Giving up finding your dream guy and start finding your dream self

This one is going out to all the single women standing in front of me in the grocery lane on a Friday night with a bottle of wine and a plate of sushi in hand. This is for you, the girl that went on too many dates or spent too much of your time dancing the night away with your girlfriends. This is for you, not wanting to find someone because you fulfill yourself.

This article is for the girl that is not on the lookout for her dream man – but for her dream self. 

I want to tell you that it is okay to not want someone right now. It’s not the end of the world that you are not showing off your engagement ring on social media. The time of being successful only when you have your dream guy is over. 

At first this article started out as a journey to find my dream guy. Whether it was swiping right on Tinder or buying that cutie in Akker that whiskey as I promised myself I would if I ever saw him again. But a mere two weeks ago we went for ladies night at Balboa and co-writer Elené brought it to my attention that I don’t need to find a guy now to feel fulfilled. And just like that, my whole article took a 180 degree turn and this is where we ended up. 

I’m 24 years old. Some of my friends are drunk out of their minds in a club somewhere and others are happily married at home, busy organising their tupperware.

I’m the single friend at weddings and the last one to catch the flowers – or wedding fever for that matter. I’m the best friend that will go on roadtrips with you because no one is waiting in anticipation for me at home (except for my very own Nick, Schmidt and Winston) and if I want to drink wine for dinner, then it is perfectly fine to do so. 

One of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned is that this is the only time in your life when you can be selfish.

Why do you want to find your dream guy when you can invest more in yourself? I have many dreams and goals that I want to achieve in life and now I can spend all my time focused on achieving that. Every day is a day closer to the person that I want to be. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that people in relationships don’t have dreams and goals. Their goals and dreams are just shared with someone else, my dreams are mine alone… For now. I would rather wait, and only get involved with love again once I know how my life should look.

There is so much that I still want to achieve in life before I can fully share my life with someone else.

That feeling of being free?

I love experiencing it, and I believe that you can too. But you can only be free if you hush the voice in your head that is telling you that you need a man to be fulfilled. You need to stop comparing yourself to your married friends and rather just celebrate their love, because love is beautiful even when it’s not your own. Being free means that your well-being needs to be a priority because there is no one else to look after you, except for yourself. 

I was in a serious relationship and I fell in love with the wrong guy. For a long time I thought that my life was over and that I was always going to be the broken girl. But only you can fix yourself, and self-healing and empowerment doesn’t leave enough room and energy for another being. I can’t expect a guy to fight my inner demons, I’m the only person that is brave enough to fight off my own demons. Just then, when all the demons are in the past, there will be room for another human being in my life again. 

On that note…

I believe that the right guy will also appreciate the fact that I worked towards my dream self, before I gifted him with my soul and love. He will respect my freedom because he knows that I will come back to him and he will admire the path that I took to get there. Even if it means that the path is a bit longer than normal. He will appreciate the fact that I didn’t shrink myself to fit the people and places that I’ve outgrown, and he would be bigger than them all. 

Be bold and be patient. Be true to yourself and not to the world’s expectations. Go on that date and buy that cutie that whiskey. And enjoy your Friday night alone, because one day you won’t have to be alone anymore. But for now, alone is okay. Alone is good.

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